Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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