go do what you do best...puke behind churches
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
