First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
