I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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