One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
