you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
