If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
