I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you never un-have a 4some
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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