Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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