wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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