i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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