apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize