Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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