I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
