I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
