not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
honey bunches of taint.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
