Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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