Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
