Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
