I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
