Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
