tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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