I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
did i just pee glitter
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
