im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
