do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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