Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
