2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it's like iHOP with fire
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
