i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
