peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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