My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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