Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize