Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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