to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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