i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
