Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
