I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
