Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
