8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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