you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
