So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize