I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
