What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
