I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize