I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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