He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
