worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
