Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
