i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
