Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
