i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
