I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
