we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize