My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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