This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
