Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
