you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
