Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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