I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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