Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
