The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
