My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize