you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think people are normalizing furries
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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