i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
