so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize