Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
