If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
