there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
