I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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