How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize