so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
