I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
