sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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