My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
