Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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