Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
