shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
