i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
