I'm gonna have a badass scar
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
