I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
