They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
