She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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