you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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