pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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