I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
