I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
