Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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