this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
