my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
