dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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