One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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