WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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