He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
