It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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