Non-Jews are for practice
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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