Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This is the prime rib incident all over again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
