You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Are my feet made of real feet?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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