Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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