Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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