my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
