No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
