You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize