so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
